Art As Process Exercise: Processing love that has no place to go

Susan shares a personal story about when she woke up: 

When I retired in 2015,

I was living the dream. 

In April 2016, I suffered the unexpected tragic death of my child.

I was destroyed.

I felt like I had died too. 

My life went black. 

Ten months later, while at an Intentional Creativity retreat in Hawaii, I created an intuitive painting of my Inner Grief Healer. I began releasing my grief and claimed the strength to move forward.

I felt peace.

I felt resurrected.

My 29-year-old son, Steven, passed away suddenly in April 2016. The recurring thoughts I had going through my mind at that time were all why questions. I was also experiencing shock and denial that he was really gone.

I was tortured both by how my life was right then, and about not knowing why this happened to us. There was absolutely nothing I could do to bring Steven back to life. 

As to the reason why, I had to accept the fact that the reason was not yet available. I had to further accept that the reason may never become available to me. Once I accepted that the why of this tragic event could not be examined ad infinitum without gaining clarity, I made the decision to stop exploring the why to any degree.

I discovered that I needed to concentrate on how to live the life I was left to live without Steven. It is now my life's work to discover how to be with myself, in my present life, while releasing grief and manifesting joy.

At first, it did not seem possible to consciously teach myself to not think about the why and instead concentrate on the how to be. Over time, I learned how to befriend my thoughts about the why. Instead of trying to answer the question, I made note of my thoughts and leaned into my body to feel how sad it made me feel to know that I would never know and thus understand the why. 

I am not going to say that time heals all wounds because I simply do not believe it. It has more to do with learning how to live with something tragic than it does to put time between yourself and the tragic event.

I can say that for me, it was wasted energy ruminating and thinking about the why of it. Letting go of the why was a huge challenge for me. Once I stopped trying to find the unattainable answer of why, I was then on my way to discovering my inner grief healer. It is my inner grief healer that helps me to move forward with my life.

Exercise: Processing love that has no place to go

Channel the love that you are feeling into an art piece. One idea is to paint the love that you are feeling for that person. Channel your love to the person by creating with intention. Give all of your love back to the person. Keep letting the love move through creation. This allows you to to channel the love you are feeling into something tangible that inspires contribution. After completing the first layer, go up an octave and clear some more. See what comes up. Go through layer by layer doing art pieces that speak to issues that come up.